It has been a while since you started to send me emails about my blog posts. I am not sure how you found my email address but I now expect your responses shortly after I post something.
At first I thought you were someone who decided their purpose was to push back against anything Christian. I still remember your first reply was, “So another Christian who thinks he has the answer to all the questions in the world. And if you are right everyone else must be wrong.”
I thought it rather strange as the post you had just read was about my failures at avoiding becoming crabby with everyday events. Obviously this is one Christian who does not have all the answers. I fall short everyday of responding to the love of the Savior–the love that sent him to the cross to dies for my sins.
And when you read about how I still trusted that God was showing his love and control in the world despite all the tragedies and pain we see, you replied, “A loving God would never allow this to go on.” I wonder about that too. But then I remember how as a parent I needed to let my children make choices that ended up in pain for them. Did I stop loving them? Not for a minute. I just knew there are truths I could not teach them. And some are learned through painful experiences.
When I wrote various times about how my recovery is powered by my Savior and without him I would still be chasing the bottom of a bottomless bottle, you responded, “You make recovery sound so easy. You turned your life over to this Jesus and everything is fine. What about the guilt from the people I hurt? Facing each day knowing I cannot drink or use? My family is glad I do not drink but there is so much more and they do not understand. For me this is not so easy.”
Anonymous, and a first name would be a whole lot better, I must not be sharing enough about the struggles I go through. My faith in Jesus does not mean I have a smooth and easy recovery life. Jesus’ death paid for all my sins and I will live forever in heaven someday.
But I am still a sinner and struggle every day with the effects of my sinful choices. I feel guilt and experience misunderstanding. There are good days and challenging days. But I have something that I know you could use.
I have the assurance of having Jesus in my life. I know if he would die for me, he is there to get me through whatever I may face here in my life. I can believe Jesus when he said Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, because I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. Matthew 11:28-29 EHV.
You say you feel guilt, doubt about facing life without drinking or using and that you sometimes feel misunderstood by your family. It sounds like you are still looking for a way to deal with those issues.
I can only tell you what has worked for me. I turned to the Bible. I prayed and prayed. And read more. If you do not have Bible, there are free apps for your phone (like https://www.thenivbible.com/nivapp/) or to read the Bible online it online go to https://www.biblica.com/bible/niv/john/3/
I would suggest you start with the gospel of John found in the New Testament. This takes you into the life and ministry of Jesus. As you read, I think you will see why so many millions believe in him. Or talk to a Christian you know about why they believe. Or reply to me again with how you are doing in your recovery. Or reply with why you disagree with what I wrote. Just don’t give up.
I do not know a lot about you except that Jesus loves you. You see he died for the whole world–for all the people who ever lived or ever will live. He died for you. When he said Come to me he meant you.
Anonymous, I hope you read this and that you will come back. And I mean this–I will wait you.
And if you ever wondered if you will fit in with other Christians, please listen: