But I Need to Control Something!

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In a previous post you met Trey, the dog you see in the foreground. Trey is very intelligent and obedient. The other dog pictured in the background is Driver. He was not blessed with a lot of intelligence and is still in the process of learning how to obey.   What he does have is a tremendous ability to track. He is a born hunting dog. And while Trey is looking beyond the chicken next to him, Driver is at full attention.

We were visiting my son and his family in northern Michigan. They raised a few chickens and it was with some trepidation that we let the dogs out into the backyard. These chickens had full run of the property and for chickens pretty much stuck to their business. Driver, to his credit, was rather well-behaved. But there were those times when you could tell he was annoyed by the constant scratching and strutting. There was also the idea he could not get close enough to them to at least let them know he was watching them.

In recovery, I have discovered that even without my drinking, I am annoyed by a number of things, Actually, I let myself become annoyed and usually the result is definitely not positive. I am somewhat of a time fanatic. There is no other way to leave our home or to get to an event except early. When I see that my time is threatened I pace, sigh and cast impatient time darts towards whomever I determine is endangering my schedule.

There are times when I am positive that other drivers banded together to ensure that I am late to wherever I am going. This could be seen as a modification of my time fanaticism, but at times, I really feel it has to be true. If it is not, how could so many cars be in the wrong place at the exact time I want to leave.

Then there are relationships. I want people to like me, just the way I am. I become annoyed when they do not act as though they are completely enthralled by my personality. After all, who couldn’t like me. Whatever can be wrong with them?

Chief of all annoyances for me is a vehicle that is in need of some repair. Whenever I sense something is wrong, I scour the internet for answers to the ailment my car is experiencing. This is followed by a night of wondering how much it will cost to repair and speculating what else the mechanic could discover that needs repair. Oh and I also could be a little crabby too.

In reality, for me, the issue of annoyances comes down to my need to be in control. I believe at some level that without my supreme effort to align people and things around me, my life will not be right. My way is the only way to assure success.

It is kind of sad that I could “turn my will and my life over to the care of God” when it came to my drinking; but I cling to control in so many other areas. I forget or more accurately, choose to ignore what is written in Romans 8:32: He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? He is always there, providing for me, watching over me and always resolving issues in a way that is best for me. 

Oh, and something else that Driver is learning to do? He is getting better at ignoring things that annoy or bother him. I mean, does this look like an annoyed dog?

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Driver may not be the most intelligent dog, but in at least one way he is smarter than me. Hope you come back again. I will wait you.

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