“Think of all that we’ve been through and breaking up is hard to do.” Neil Sedaka released this song in 1962. This is not the most insightful song about ending relationships. It does not go into the various factors that are barriers to relationships. There is nothing about the efforts made to prevent a breakup. However, it does describe the ambivalence and pain that forms when a relationship ends. (And creates a very persistent ear worm!)
I am not sure that breaking up really is hard to do. Relationships with people are abruptly terminated due to poorly chosen words or behaviors. Responses made in anger can sever the tie between two people so badly that it can never be completely mended. Just as potent are unspoken words or inactivity. Relationships that end due to these two causes do not break up. Rather the relationship is slowly smothered until there is not even a speck of life left.
I have found a lost relationship leaves a vacuum and that is the “hard” part. Sometimes this is feeling alone and abandoned. Where were two, there is now only one. Where there were joint plans and dreams, there are none. Yesterday there was a voice, a face, a touch; today a void into which only regret and sadness occasionally intrude. In my mind, dreading feelings like these keep many from walking away from relationships that are not healthy. The type of relationship that feels good, but deep inside, one you know you have to end before it takes over.
Or the breakup can leave only anger; a deep seething triggered by hurt or betrayal. There is potential danger here as this is fertile ground for depression as anger can easily be turned inward.
There are positive breakups. The severing of my relationship with alcohol is such a one. I cannot take credit for it. After years of struggling, and abusing the love and support of family and friends, God stepped in and erased the desire for drinking. And I was so blessed and relieved.
We as sinful humans living in a sinful world can, however, completely mess things up when given a chance. There were times I actually missed drinking. Whenever I needed to become responsible, I could feel it was a situation in which I would be drinking – if the desire was still there. When my motivation ebbed as the monotony and sameness of life became foremost on my mind, the thought of drinking was also there, but without the desire. Praise God for his grace.
To him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy. Jude 24
Which brings me to the last breakup. If you have been scanning this, please slow down for a moment. One break up I cannot afford to ever experience is one with my Savior, Jesus. Losing earthly relationships cause pain. We may experience some side effects as we struggle to get back to life. Each day we get a little closer to our goal.
A lost relationship with Jesus has eternal implications. And yet it is not fear that drives me to my Savior. Rather it is what he has done for me. He paid for all my sins and so now I want to be as close to him as I can be. I want to spend time each day searching his word. I seek out time to praise him and bring all my worries and concerns to him. And I ask him to keep me close to him.
I have lost some relationships in my life and purposely walked away from others – and I will probably need to have both of those happen again. I am thankful that Jesus loved me so much, just because he is love, that he does not let me go or walk away from me. Thank you Jesus!
Please think about this and then come back – I will wait you.